Frank Vincent: Why don't you lay off of me, you lousy cops?
Ed: Try laying off the sauce, Vincent – we'll lay off of you.
Ironside: I sent you out on a fact-finding mission so that I can make an intelligent report to the Commissioner on area crime incidents and you come back with the clothes torn off your back.
Ed: (as Eve mends his jacket) Thank you, my lady.
Eve: Don't mention it. It's these little domestic touches that make a den mother feel very secure.
Ed: Now look, Chief, I'm sure of the facts you wanted, what I don't understand is what happened to my coat. I mean how do you figure a man like Vincent?
Mark: Cop hater. It's a religion, man.
Ironside: If all of you don't mind, I'd like to get back to business. The department has a Community Relations office to worry about cop haters.
Ed: I hope they're worrying.
Ed: All right, maybe I'm wrong. But as long as we're quoting people, quote: "If a computer could do this job, they wouldn't need me. What I'm paid for is my instincts, the nerve endings that go hot and cold when I'm looking at a computer. When the day comes that I can't smell guilt, retire me." Unquote.
Ironside: Who said that?
Ed: You did.
Ironside: That's not bad.
Ironside: Now, Ed, in view of that, I want you to return to San Francisco.
Ed: Chief, I've psyched him into making some kind of move. Now this is what we've been trying to accomplish. If I pull back he can come home and play Sunday school teacher with us from now on.
Ironside: Look, I'm not going to debate with you, Ed. We never meant for you to be a large standing target.
Ed: (begins tapping the phone with his hand) Sir, there must be something wrong with the connection. I can't hear a word you're saying.
Ironside: Don't you give me that Admiral Nelson stuff. I was using the spyglass to the blind eye routine before you kicked pablum. (Ed hangs up) Ed!
Mark: That's right, he's your monster. You got to love him.
Ironside: I won't ask you about your golf game. I can't stand to hear a grown man cry.
Mark: How come when you play dirty the referee is always looking the other way?
Ironside: Sometime, I'll tell you my secret.