Grace: (about Joan's baby pictures) Impressive use of fat.
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Will: "The Dead Sea Mud Wrap: Your body will be gently dry-brushed to eliminate surface toxins and to exfoliate dead skin cells. Then you are wrapped in a warm mixture of mud, essential oils and seaweed." This sounds like something I would pay to avoid.
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Joan: See, nobody thinks of you as fun.
Dr. Halliwell (God): And that's the problem.
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Spa Manager: Violence offends us.
Will: It offends me too, which is why I won't give up my weapon!
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Luke: Enjoy your body treatments.
Will: Nobody's getting wrapped!
Helen: I might!
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Helen: (to Will, about the weekend away) Strip Scrabble?
Joan: OVER-sharing!
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Joan: God smokes?
Liquor Store Clerk (God): I don't inhale.
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Luke: (to Grace) Can you help here?
Grace: Apparently not.
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Adam: What about us?
Joan: What about us?
Adam: What about us?
Joan: What about us?
Adam: What about us?
Joan: Is it just me or is this going nowhere?
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(Adam's upset with Joan)
Joan: Uh...are you okay?
Adam: Yeah, Joan, I'm fine.
Joan: I liked it better when you called me "Jane."
Adam: Those days are over.
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Luke: Hey! That is my dad's italian salami that he has it flown in from like New Jersey!
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Glynis: (after seeing a picture of Luke dressed up as a dalmation when he was three) The colour palette suits you.
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Joan: Let's go. We're not buying anything from here. Master of the universe here carded me.
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Kevin: Pancakes, Joan, not panbricks.
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Joan: (to Luke) Look at us, rocket boy and subdefective. Who are we gonna invite to a party?
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Joan: You invented drugs, didn't you?
Dr. Halliwell (God): I invented rattlesnakes. Doesn't mean I want you playing around with them.
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Luke: No one ever listens to me and yet I talk.
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Will: (about the spa) I wonder if the sound of ringing up our credit card will be too much for them.
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Helen: And, I think this goes without saying, no parties.
Kevin: I've already covered this; they are very unpopular.
Helen: Oh, good. Uh, really?
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Grace: (referring to Adam) I've know the dude since preschool. He's stupid about you.
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Kevin: (to Rebecca) But what if I just want to kiss you?
Rebecca: You'll have to catch me.
Kevin: I'm in good shape.
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Liquor Store Clerk (God): Joan, you did invite Adam?
Joan: Sure.
Liquor Store Clerk (God): And he realizes you're inviting him?
Joan: As in a date?
Liquor Store Clerk (God): Figure it out.
Luke: I'm sorry, he's approving your guest list?
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Will: (referring to Elliot) Do I really need to hear about his colon crisis?
Helen: Will!
Will: He's talking about his ass in public!
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Joan: (about the party) Do these things ever end?
Adam: Eventually, people...pass out.
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Joan: (to God) Shouldn't you be a better dancer?
(The doorbell rings)
Joan: Excuse me, your all-mightiness.
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Adam: Well, maybe it's like that anti-drug guy says. Romantic love. It's like a mental illness. It just happens, you know, and then what are you going to do?
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Joan: Why are you mad at me?
Adam: I don't know. Maybe I'm bad at stuff like this. But we kissed. It's not exactly like I've kissed a lot of girls. Maybe I've only kissed one.
Joan: Right.
Adam: Well, maybe it meant something to me.
Joan: Maybe it meant something to me too.
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Toni: I'm Sgt. Toni Williams. We received a noise complaint. I think it's about time to break things up.
Joan: Thank God! (to the partiers) Everybody the police are here! Time to get out! Come on! Clear out! (to Toni) Thank you for that.
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Joan: (to Adam after the party) Hey...you wanna dance?
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Helen: I think I'll sign us both up for the Native American treatment.
Will: What's that? They gently drag us through the sand by our hair until our skin is flayed, and then later we're gently reassigned to gambling casinos in Arizona.
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Joan: You learned how to cook in AP chem...all I learned is how to make soap.
Kevin: Like your doing now.
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Grace: It's like a Druid solstice ritual without the viscera.
Luke: Stick around. The night's still young.
(There is an awkward silence)
Grace: I need salt.
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Joan: In case you haven't noticed, we are not cool.
Luke: I thought you were cool.
Joan: No, I'm not.
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Joan: We've been thinking...
Will: That's a dangerous proposition.
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Adam: (to Joan, at the party) You wanna dance?
Joan: Adam, I can't I'm at a party!
(She leaves)
Adam: Just thought I'd ask.
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(Luke, Grace, Friedman and Glynis are looking through one of the Girardis' photo albums)
Friedman: Oh, man. (puts on baby voice) Here's Luke in a little Dalmatian outfit.
Glynis: Oh! Look at his little ears!
Luke: It was Halloween. I was three! Put that away--
(He tries to take the album off Friedman but he fights back)
Grace: Hey, let me see.
Glynis: The color palette suits you.
Friedman: Dude, your sister's, like, naked.
Luke: She's a baby!
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