(Vint brings out Naomi's vacuum for Mama to use)
Naomi: Vinton, what is that?!
Mama: Something you wouldn't know anything about.
Naomi: That is my vacuum cleaner!
Mama: Good answer. Tomorrow we'll learn what a dish rag is.
(Vint promises Naomi that she will get her love nest one day)
Naomi: Oh baby!
(Naomi and Vint start kissing)
Judge: STOP THAT!
Mama: Well sir, I was vacuuming, as I have been doing my entire life, when suddenly this vacuum started making a real funny noise.
Naomi: May I respond to that please, Your Honor?!
Naomi: Are you gonna let him speak to me like that honey?!
(Vint gets up)
Judge: Sit down!
Judge: Now, Mrs. Naomi Harper, did you lend the vacuum cleaner to your mother-in-law?
Naomi:[/b ]No! It was my husband who actually lent it to her. Had I been present at the time, I would've said "No."
Mama: Ha! She ain't never said "No" in her life.
Mama: You can't believe a word this woman says, you know! She's been married three times.
Judge: So have I!
Fran: You know that ugly little tag that sticks out at the side that says "Do Not Remove Under Penalty Of Law?"
Fran: Two years ago, I removed it!
Judge: I'll tell ya what. Normally, this is a capital offense. But if you'll just sew it on, we'll forget the whole thing.
Fran: I don't sew.
Judge: WELL THEN PIN IT ON! AND SIT DOWN!
Naomi: I would like to call my star witness - Vinton Harper!
Mama: I object!
Judge: TO WHAT?!
Mama: Is it legal in this state for a man to testify against his own mother?! His own flesh and blood?! The one who brought him into this world! Who wiped his nose and diapered his behind! Before Pampers! Is that legal?!
Judge: Yes, it is!
Mama: Just asking.
Judge: I'm going out for a beer. As for you Vinton Harper, if you have a half a brain in your head, you'll join me.
Mama: Boy, is he hot under the collar.
Naomi: Yeah! And I'm gonna get to him before he cools off!
Mama: Well, get to him down in the basement. I've already got one hole burned in my rug.