Pappyism: A penny earned isn't worth much anymore.

Ellen: (after she calls Bret "Bert") I just get tangled up in your name for some reason.
Bret: Well, as long as you don't get tangled up with Bert.

Ellen: Now how often have I missed an appointment with you?
Bret: There was three times last week alone.

Bret: When it's a question of love or money I sometimes get confused.

Carter: (about Ellen) Did you say she was fairly well to do?
Bret: She is now.

Ellen: Am I that precious to you?
Bret: You're worth exactly $25,000 to me.

Bret: I don't need any insurance, Mr. Bishop.
Bishop: You may if you continue your friendship with Miss Johnson.

Bret: I can't stand around and let you hit her.
Bishop: She tried to poison me.
Bret: She's a woman. They get upset.