Frank: Is this 808 Garbonmicer Rd.? (Thames turns over the card) Maple St.?
Thames: Yes sir, it is.
Frank: (hands him his card) I'm from Police Squad. I'd like to see Captain Hocken.
Thames: Of course, Lt. Flebin. (Frank turns over card) Drebin.
Frank: Is there a ransom note?
Ed: Yes, the butler found it. It was tied to this window and thrown into the rock garden. I sent the note to the lab. They're demanding one million dollars.
Frank: Why would the lab demand a million dollars?
Ed: The kidnappers made the demand, Frank.
Ed: Excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Burton. This is Lt. Frank Drebin.
Warner: Mr. Drebin.
Frank: The feeling is mutual.
Frank: Just relax. Everything is going to be all right.
Ed: Mrs. Burton, what did he say?
Charlotte: "Just relax. Everything is going to be all right."
Ed: No, the kidnapper.
(after his daughter is kidnapped)
Warner: Lt. Drebin, what do I do?
Frank: Well, as I understand it, you're in the textile industry.
Warner: I'll pay whatever ransom is necessary to get Terri back.
Frank: No, that would be giving in to them. These people are emotionally unstable. Had a case like this, similar. Kidnappers cut off the victim's ear and sent it to the family.
Ed: So you see, you've got to let us help you.
Frank: Not the whole ear, of course. Just a piece of it.
Ed: And when this whole thing blows over, we'll return Terri's ear if she's still alive.
Frank: She's taking it hard.
Ed: We'll leave Officer Nordberg here. If you need anything, just ask him.
Frank: We'll be in touch.
Ed: Nordberg, I want you to nose around.
Frank: And keep an eye out for the ear.
Nordberg: Yes sir. Don't you worry, Mrs. Burton. If Terri's ear comes, I'll handle it.
Ted Olsen: So you see, Billy, this experiment will prove the Earth's gravity exerts the same pulling force on any object no matter what size or weight.
Ted Olsen: Let me show you what I've done. The bowling ball weighs 10 pounds. Your next-door neighbor Dr. Murray Shanebaum weighs 175 pounds. Are you ready, Dr. Shanebaum? Now Billy, I'll set this timer to drop the bowling ball and Dr. Shanebaum in one minute. We can watch from a safe distance. Oh, hi, Frank. Why don't you run along now, Billy, and next week we'll discuss ten things you can do with a carrot.
Warner: I've got to know. Where is she? Where is she?!?
Frank: Everything is fine, Mr. Burton. Sit down, sit down. relax. Coffee?
Warner: Yes, I know.
Warner: Lakefront? My God, do you know how big that area is? My daughter's a needle in a haystack.
Frank: That's not true. I've seen a picture of her, she's very attractive.
Frank: Warner Burton's fears were real. Time was running out for Terri. Ed and I drove around for hours for no particular reason. We came up empty.
Tommy Lasorda: It's my pitching, Johnny. Do you think I need another starter?
Johnny: How should I know? (Tommy slips him a payoff) The rigors of a full season on a four-man rotation are just too demanding. You need a left-handed swing man to fill your long relief spots. Give him an occasional start and he'll round out your staff nicely.
Tommy Lasorda: You're talking about a guy like Gossage, aren't you, Johnny?
Johnny: Oh, come on, Tommy, use your head. Gossage is right-handed. And besides, he can't throw more than two innings. Here's the names of five southpaws with career ERAs of 2.93. And you wouldn't have been in this mess if you hadn't given up Tommy John.