Hammer: Well, nice meeting you, Miss Collins.
Collins: That's "Ms." Good day, Mr. Hammer.
Hammer: That's "Mirr."
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Doreau: Seems to frequent massage parlors.
Hammer: Oh great. Take us years to find him. There's over a thousand of those massage parlors across the city.
Doreau: No, I think he just goes there for a massage.
Hammer: Well, there's only about three of those.
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Hammer: See, there's a bunch of vigilantes out there shoot people nobody likes, and you're next on the list.
Medwick: Why am I next?
Hammer: Because they couldn't find Peewee Herman.
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Trunk: Do you recognize it?
Hammer: (bites a bullet) That's a .38 Special, it's a police issue. I'd say 1984 vintage. An amusing year.
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Hammer: Who let you jokers in?
Braddock: Your landlady.
Hammer: Why? Because you're cops?
Jackson: No. Because we told her we're going to beat you up.
Hammer: And she wonders why she can never get a date.
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Braddock: The reason we're here, Inspector Hammer, is to invite you to join a clandestine group who share the singular purpose of righting wrongs through force and aggression.
Hammer: Oh, I'm already a registered Republican.
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Braddock: We'll ask the questions, Hammer. What do you think about reading a suspect his rights?
Hammer: I prefer to read him his last rites, if you know what I mean.
Jackson: What do you think about the death penalty?
Hammer: It's too lenient. There's always the possibility of reincarnation.
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Hammer: You behave yourself and maybe I'll show you my appendix scar.
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Collins: I'm not interested in the ERA, I'm into the NRA.
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Collins: My father killed that deer when I was just a little girl.
Hammer: Oh, so he was a hunter?
Collins: No, a bad driver.
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Collins: Of all the officers I've recruited, there's something strangely appealing about you. I guess it's your callous disregard for human rights, your savage instinct, your chauvinism, your inability to treat women as equals.
Hammer: Yeah, I'm quite a catch.
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Hammer: (to his gun) Looks like you and me are the only sane ones here.
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