Hammer: Actors. The only time a man should wear make-up on his face is after he's been embalmed.
Doreau: Sledge, how do you always manage to say horrible things.
Hammer: It's easy. I just use the English language.
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Coroner Norman Blates: You see? Just like I said. Every last drop of blood has been drained from the victim's body.
Hammer: I haven't seen a man bled this dry since the DeLorean divorce.
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Coroner Norman Blates: I tell you, I haven't seen anything like this in my twelve years as a coroner.
Doreau: I haven't seen anything like this in my six years as a cop.
Hammer: I haven't seen anything like this in my 49 years as a man.
Doreau: Sledge, you're only 40.
Hammer: I was a man nine years before I was born, Doreau.
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Doreau: Do you have any idea what sort of person would want to drain a young director of all his blood?
Zeff: Any William-Morris agent.
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Trunk: I've got officers requisitioning everything from garlic to wooden stakes.
Hammer:: You turned me down for those six months ago.
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Doreau: So you're telling us your father's positively dead.
Malovia: I should hope so. Last week I spread his ashes all over the 605 freeway.
Hammer:: In keeping with his last request?
Malovia: No, I was driving too fast with the top down.
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Doreau: Under what exact circumstances did your father pass away?
Malovia: He was watching television and he just quietly went to sleep. And... never woke up.
Hammer:: I hope he wasn't watching Mr. Belvedere. I'd hate to think the old fella went out suffering.
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Doreau: Vincent Lagarski. Back among the living, I see.
Hammer: It comes as no surprise to me. I'd already suspected you were alive.
Lagarski:: When did you first suspect?
Hammer:: Well, when you said, "Unhand my daughter"...
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