Diamonds Aren't Forever - Recap

E.L. arrives at the office and discovers that Lionel is repainting and bringing in potted plants. Lionel finally gets around to explaining that his parents will be there the next day on a visit, and he's trying to make the office look better because his father William, the vice president of the Allied Insurance Group, expects penthouse suites. He's worried that the place makes him look unsuccessful, and E.L. offers him a penthouse and a car. When Lionel refuses, E.L. accuses him of not trusting him. Lionel denies it and E.L. tells him he has nothing to worry about.



At the Federal Building, E.L. poses as an agent and meets with Agent Duff McCoy, who is bringing in a businessman, Brandowyn, who manages a city complex. E.L. introduces himself as an organized crime investigator, and Brandowyn worries that he inadvertently met a mobster in Las Vegas. He wants Brandowyn to loan them a penthouse suite so they can conduct surveillance, and the manager quickly complies. E.L. then thanks Duff for setting up the mark and leaves.

At the airport, Lionel is reading a Matt Savage novel about a dominating matriarch when his parents William and Harriet arrive. He picks them up and William wonders if they don't have enough work. Lionel assures them that he's keeping busy, and Harriet notes that Lionel's former fiancée Bunny wrote to her. When Lionel points out that Bunny went off with another man to Las Vegas, Harriet is convinced that Bunny is doing it to escape. She plans to call Bunny when they arrive at the hotel and arrange a dinner party, and Lionel tries to convince her not to. Distracted, he drives the borrowed car into a stop sign and insists on leaving his name and address for the authorities.



Later, E.L. shows Lionel his new penthouse suite, which is decorated in style. One of the light bulbs in the chandelier is burned out. They enter the office and find a woman, Camilla Caras, going through the sofa. She explains that she works for the former tenant, Ernst Gundergast, and she came there to look for a gold pen given to her by her dead husband. When Lionel offers to call her if they find it, Camilla says that she's on the move and will call them. Once she goes, both Lionel and E.L. figure that she's up to something.

Lionel brings William and Harriet up to the penthouse. William wonders why it doesn't match what Lionel has told them before, while Harriet is still busy trying to set up Lionel with Bunny. As Lionel shows them around, he hears someone moving in the office. They go in and find two men pulling the panels off the wall. After a brief scuffle, the men flee past E.L., who is disguised as an African ambassador there to commend the agency on a case and give Lionel $20,000 in play money. Harriet is upset and Lionel tells E.L. to stop so they can work out the mystery, and E.L. quickly slips out.



The two men, Gabor and Schmidt, meet with their employer, Van Cott. He figures that they've alerted Lionel and tells them to bring the detective to him.

Lionel is escorting his parents out of the building when E.L. arrives with roses for Harriet and introduces himself, and then goes in to meet with Brandowyn. Harriet is impressed, while Lionel notices that the police are ticketing his borrowed car. Once he says that he's driving the car and they find the play money, they arrest him for grand theft auto and take him away. E.L. poses as a lawyer to bail him out, claiming that Lionel is the owner's son and mentally disturbed, and soon gets him out. Disgusted, the officer in charge is eager to get rid of Lionel. E.L. asks to pick up the car and convinces the captain to turn it over. Outside, Lionel is understandably angry that he's driving his parents around in a stolen car, and wondering why the police are asking if he wants ice cream. E.L. has done some checking and confirmed that Ernst was a diamond merchant who was shot to death, and he figures the diamonds are hidden in the office. Lionel isn't interested, and goes to get his parents and go to dinner with Bunny.



That night, E.L. is searching the office for diamonds when Camilla comes in and holds him at gunpoint. However, once she confirms that Van Cott and his goons aren't there, she puts away the gun. Camilla explains that they're looking for one rare diamond worth $3.5 million, and Van Cott won't hesitate to kill again. They hear a sound at the door and figure that it's Van Cott, and E.L. sets off the alarm so none of them can search.

The Whitneys go to an expensive restaurant and Bunny is clearly thrilled to be there, and they insist that she call them Mom and Dad. When the food comes, Bunny say she doesn't want anything but eats off of Lionel's plate, and then tries to gloss over her father's reaction to Lionel dumping his daughter. When she suggests that Lionel will eventually get it out of his system, Lionel insists that he enjoys being a detective and has no intention of quitting. Meanwhile, Camilla and E.L. arrive, and Camilla insists they need to warn Lionel that his life is in danger. Bunny drags Lionel out onto the dance floor and E.L. and Camilla catch up to them. Van Cott's men catch up to them and a fight breaks out. The hoods get the drop on them and escort them outside at gunpoint.



Schmidt and Gabor take Lionel, E.L., and Camilla to Van Cott's office. Van Cott says that Lionel isn't the Whitney he wants, and E.L. tries to bluff it out without success. He's forced to admit that he knows the diamond is at the office, and Van Cott tells him to get the diamond while he holds Lionel and Camilla as hostages. When E.L. refuses, Van Cott explains that he can easily set them up as thieves shot in the act. E.L. reconsiders and says that they'll go to the penthouse with Schmidt and Gabor and make the exchange at the penthouse.

At the penthouse, E.L. claims the crystal faucet fixture is the diamond. When they don't believe him, he secretly takes Camilla's diamond ring and uses it to fake a glass-cutting test. Schmidt takes the diamond and prepares to take them back to Van Cott, but Lionel grabs a light switch and threatens to throw it, claiming it's an alarm. The thugs decide to leave with the "diamond" and E.L. and Camilla start searching for the diamond. Lionel tries to stop them and E.L. cuts open the pillow he's holding... just as Harriet and William come in. E.L. tries to bluff it out, but Lionel comes clean and says that they're looking for a diamond. Camilla notes that Ernst only had a minute to hide the diamond and needed somewhere accessible. E.L. checks the chandelier but finds nothing. Meanwhile, Lionel tells his parents the truth and his mother takes it badly. He gets her a glass of water with two ice cubes, just the way she likes it, but realizes that one of the "ice cubes" is the diamond, hidden in the ice maker.



Once she has the diamond, Camilla draws a gun and orders them all up against the wall. She leaves and Lionel starts to call the police, but E.L. stops him and explains that he posed as an FBI agent to get the penthouse suite. If they call the police, Brandowyn will know what he was up to. They take Lionel's parents to their real office for safety since Van Cott can find them at their hotel. Harriet is shocked that Lionel has turned out so badly, and E.L. insists on taking the blame. He comes to Lionel's defense but Lionel admits they're not doing well. Still, he shows his father their Yellow Book ad. He notices a larger ad for their rival detective, Fred Wysocki, and then finds Lionel's Mark Savage novel and starts reading it. William insists on asking Lionel for one thing: he wants him to go home with them. When Lionel says that he enjoys his work, his parents explain that it's not a matter of enjoyment.



Van Cott realizes that his men were tricked and tells his men to find Lionel and E.L. and kill them.

Lionel and E.L. escort the Whitneys to E.L.'s borrowed car. As they get in, Van Cott and his men drive up. As they fight, a woman sees the fight and calls the police. Van Cott tries to run and Lionel tackles him, while Harriet knocks Gabor unconscious with her purse. The police arrive and arrest the three crooks, and William confirms that Lionel actually enjoys everything they've went through. Lionel points out that Harriet helped capture a criminal and the agency will get the insurance reward... even if most of the money will go to repairing the penthouse. The police come over and arrest them for driving a stolen car, ignoring Lionel's protestations.



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