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Blackadder
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| Title: | General Hospital |
| Episode Number: | 25 |
| Season: | 4 |
| Season Episode #.: | 5 |
| Original Airdate: | Thursday October 26th, 1989 |
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After George is injured and sent to hospital, Blackadder is called upon by General Melchett and charged with the task of sniffing out a spy that has been traced to somewhere within the same hospital. Captain Darling is put in charge of covertly monitoring Blackadder's mission.
| There are no foreign summaries for this episode
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| Along with "Beer" and "Chains", this is one of only three episodes of the series in which Rowan Atkinson, Tony Robinson, Tim McInnerny, Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie and Miranda Richardson all appear. However, they all also appear in Blackadder: Back & Forth together.
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| Darling: Look, I'm as British as Queen Victoria.
Blackadder: (furiously) So your father's German, you're half German and you married a German?
Darling: (crying) No! No! Look, for God's sake, I'm not a German spy!
Blackadder: (calmly; politely) Good. Thanks very much. Send in the next man, would you?
| George: Smithy, you haven't seen any suspicious characters hanging around have you, who might be German spies?
Brigadier Smith: Nein.
George: Nine! Well, the Cap's got his work cut out, then.
| Darling: You'll regret this, Blackadder. You'd better find the real spy or I'll make it very hard for you.
Blackadder: Please, Darling. There are ladies present.
| Nurse Mary: When this war is over, do you think we might get to know each other a little better?
Blackadder: Yes, why not? When this madness has finished, perhaps we could go cycling together. Take a trip down to the old Swan at Henley and go for a walk in the woods.
Nurse Mary: Yes. Or we could just do it right now on the desk.
Blackadder: Yeah, okay.
| Blackadder: I spy with my bored little eye something beginning with "t".
Baldrick: Breakfast.
Blackadder: What?
Baldrick: My breakfast always begins with tea. Then I have a little sausage, then a egg with some little soldiers.
Blackadder: Baldrick, when I said it begins with "t", I was talking about a letter.
Baldrick: Nah - it never begins with a letter. The postman doesn't come till 10.30.
Blackadder: I can't go on with this. George, take over.
George: Alright, sir. Umm… I spy with my little eye something beginning with "r"
Baldrick: Army.
Blackadder: For God's sake, Baldrick. Army starts with an "a". He's looking for something that starts with an "r". Rrrrrrr.
Baldrick: Motorbike
Blackadder: What?
Baldrick: Well, a motorbike starts with an rrrrm rrrrm rrrrm.
Blackadder: Right, right, right. My turn again. What begins with "Come here" and ends in "Ow"?
Baldrick: I don't know.
Blackadder: Come here.
(Blackadder punches Baldrick in the face)
Baldrick: Ow!
| Blackadder: (referring to George) Alright. Where is the malingering git?
| Blackadder: I lost closer friends than "darling Georgie" the last time I was deloused.
| Blackadder: So in the name of security, sir, everyone who enters the room has to have his bottom fondled by this drooling pervert?
Darling: I'm only doing my job, Blackadder.
Blackadder: Well, how lucky you are then that your job is also your hobby.
| General Melchett: You look surprised, Blackadder.
Blackadder: I certainly am, sir. I didn't realise we had any battle plans.
General Melchett: Well, of course we have! How else do you think the battles are directed?
Blackadder: Our battles are directed, sir?
General Melchett: Well, of course they are, Blackadder, directed according to the Grand Plan.
Blackadder: Would that be the plan to continue with total slaughter until everyone's dead except Field Marshal Haig, Lady Haig and their tortoise, Alan?
General Melchett: Great Scott! Even you know it!
| Nurse Mary: Ah, Captain. I hope you're going to conduct yourself with a little more decorum this time.
Blackadder: No, I'm going to conduct myself with no decorum. Shove off!
| Blackadder: What is the colour of the Queen of England's favourite hat?
Darling: How the bloody hell am I supposed to know?!
Blackadder: (completely deadpan) I see...Well, let me ask you another question. Who is the German head of state?
Darling: Well, Kaiser Wilhelm, obviously.
Blackadder: (furiously) So you're on first name terms with the kaiser, are you?
| Blackadder: I only smoke after making love. So back in England, I'm a twenty-a-day man.
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