This episode begins with Hyacinth peeping through her windows at the milkman as he’s arriving. She then hurries to get to the door and asks him if his hands are clean. Since he passes her little inspection, she bestows upon him the honour of bringing her an extra yoghurt the following day. As she’s bringing the milk in, she passes Richard in the hallway on his way out, but she stops him. He isn’t properly attired for her liking.
Back outside where Elizabeth, who is also working in her garden, is met by two acquaintances, Marjorie and Philis. They enquire whether or not she will be coming later to the church hall, and Liz says she’ll probably be coming with Hyacinth, at which point the ladies begin confessing how much they can’t stand her. Moreover, if she were to come outside, Marjorie says she’d hide!
We then switch over to Richard – with a tie on – being fussed over by Hyacinth as she prepares him for gardening. They begin talking about Onslow, and Richard envies his relaxed attitude, whereas Hyacinth, of course, deplores it. Finally, he’s ready for the off and goes outside and makes his way to the roses in the garden. Just then he’s quite taken aback by what he sees: three women crouched behind the little wall.
The three bumble and talk over each other and say they thought they spotted an unusual looking worm, and Richard doesn’t press any further to get the truth out of them. Instead they all nervously leave.
Once more we fin ourselves back indoors with Hyacinth; this time on the phone to Daisy, but instead she gets Onslow
. Finally Daisy gets on the phone and first asks after Daddy, who is heavily sedated. Her main reason for calling is to inform Daisy that she can’t pop ‘round because she’s helping the Ladies’ Circle, which is having a special guest speaker.
Back to Richard outside, still deadheading the roses. An acquaintance of his is passing by, and as soon as Hyacinth appears – to summon Elizabeth to coffee – he ducks for cover! Then he makes his excuses – damn shoelaces – and scurries away still crouching for cover. Just at that moment Elizabeth appears from her back garden asking is she heard correctly, and Richard obligingly confirms the dreaded summons. Elizabeth promptly appears on Hyacinth’s doorstep, rings the bell, and hen Hyacinth answers. But something is amiss. Hyacinth merely responds with a surprising, ‘Oh, Elizabeth! Yes?’ To which Elizabeth is equally taken aback by her surprise. It seems there is nothing wrong with the time and the mission, the trouble is the location. ‘The back door dear,’ is what Hyacinth tells Elizabeth as she shuts the door abruptly in her face.
When Liz arrives through the backdoor, Hyacinth makes her excuses why she couldn’t come in through the front
. She then tells Liz the same old line of sit anywhere except
wherever Liz chooses to sit, then proceeds to ask her is she wants to drink from a mug, which Elizabeth is more than happy to drink from. In what will become formulaic, Liz on cue with Hyacinth saying she is all thumbs, clunks the ceramic milk jug into her mug, spilling the milk all over the table.
We switch gears to Daisy now, who is waiting outside her place, filing her nails, when all of a sudden two figures in head to toe black leather roll up on a Kawasaki motorbike. It’s Rose and her seventeen year old boyfriend. Rose gets off the back and asks if she told Onslow, and she says she told him twice, but doesn’t think he was listening. Rose and Daisy then usher the young lad inside, but on the way in the dog barks at him, scaring him a bit. Once inside, Daisy tries to tell him, but he is more interested in watching horse racing than paying attention to his wife.
We then see Hyacinth and Richard on their way to the church and when they arrive, the two ladies that had passed by Elizabeth that morning, are outside tidying up. When they see her car, they rush inside at which point another woman asks if they had seen a ghost. ‘It’s worse than that, she exclaims, “it’s Hyacinth!’ With those simple words, everyone runs for cover. Hyacinth, inside, finds it surprisingly odd that there is no one about preparing for the day. She also happens to catch the vicar, and begins telling him about Sheridan, but fortunately for him, he escapes rather easily. She calls Richard and Elizabeth to bring her ‘accoutrements’ in, and tells Richard to guard them while Elizabeth is sent –reluctantly – to round up helpers for her.
With that, we end up back at Onslow and Daisy’s with Onslow looking very relaxed and as if he doesn’t care. Speaking of don’t care, we are quickly sent back to the church hall with Hyacinth ‘overseeing’ the preparations. In reality she is just talking non-stop about Sheridan all the while insulting everything everyone is doing, but never lifting a finger to lend a helping hand.
Daisy is more than forlorn that the spark has gone from their marriage and is convinced he doesn’t love her any more. But Rose believes he just doesn’t notice, not that he doesn’t care. They need a reliable man that he would listen to . . . Richard. So they tell Onslow that Richard needs to see him and is waiting for him at the church hall. Onslow is skeptical, but he gives in and leaves to go to meet Richard.
Hyacinth, still preparing and still talking about Sheridan, has the Vicar cornered, and is bombarding him with compliments about her son. Luckily for the Vicar, a woman comes in to tell Hyacinth there is someone at the door asking for him, and Hyacinth thinks it must be something very important and prepares Richard for this promotion worthy crisis. To Hyacinth’s dismay, however, Onslow was the one asking for Richard. Hyacinth tells Richard to ‘get rid of him’, but before Richard can even utter a word, she is calling him back, so Richard tells Onslow to meet him around the back of the hall.
Hyacinth then sets him to work, folding napkins, glad Onslow is out of site behind the church. She then spots that her precious china has been mixed in with all the other china as well, and asks Elizabeth to help her move it to the top table. To be sure of which table that is, she asks where the Vicar is, and Liz says he’s out back starting the outdoor service. Hyacinth flips and sends Richard outside to try and stop the Vicar from meeting Onslow, but it’s too late; Onslow is singing hymns with the women from the Ladies’ Circle, and one is even giving him the eye. Richard meets him and they seem confused who asked to see whom. Hyacinth appears at the backdoor just as Daisy and her toyboy wheel up on their motor bike.
Finally, Rose’s plan worked. Richard takes Onslow to the pub and asks him about what had happened: ‘Didn’t you think it was funny?’ He asked. Onslow replied with the punch-line, ‘I suppose I did really . . . I never knew she liked motorbikes.’ Share this article with your friends