Adams: We're not playing soldier now, Farnsworth.
Farnsworth: Sir, a British officer never plays soldier.
Farnsworth: You can't civilize the Irish, Major. Not in a million years.
Adams: Tim, will you please close your father's mouth.
Farnsworth: Preferably with two handfuls of earth.
Farnsworth: I'm particular about who I give my friendship. Don't these clodhoppers understand that?
Adams: Sit down and have a cup of coffee.
O'Toole: No thank you, Major. I never touch a thing stronger than whiskey.
Farnsworth: Don't shout at me, sir!
Adams: Shout at you! I'm about to horsewhip you!
Adams (to Farnsworth) You're more dangerous to this train than a keg of powder in a campfire.