Newscaster: Twelve hours have passed since the Mayor's daughter was first reported missing. The police now believe she was kidnapped, or is just very good at hiding.
Reisner: By the way, sir, your home security guard is in critical condition.
Mayor Flambo: Poor man, he's like an employee to me.
(after shooting two crooks at a grocery store)
TV Reporter: Inspector Hammer, was what you did in the store absolutely necessary?
Hammer: Oh yes, I had no groceries at all.
Mayor Flambo: This Sledge Hammer. Who he is?
Reisner: A menace. He used to fire warning shots at jaywalkers.
Hammer: You hear that? I'm off suspension. Looks like they can't keep a good man down. Or me either.
Trunk: You sadistic, depraved, bloodthirsty, barbaric...
Hammer: Is that why you called me in here, to shower me with compliments?
Trunk: What's the matter with you, Hammer? Don't you read the papers?
Hammer: No, I prefer to get my information from more reliable sources, like rumor and small children.
Mayor Flambo: Chief Reisner told me once you obtained information from a suspect by tying him to the back of the car and driving him through half the city.
Hammer: No, that's impossible. Half the city, no. We never left the parking lot.
Doreau: Can we kill the lights, please?
Trunk: Keep that gun in your holster, Hammer.
Doreau: This is the leader of the group, Weird Willard Luxley. Luxley's family was so certain their son would turn out rotten they put him up for adoption three years before he was born. This is Felice Nevidad, a fiery Latin revolutionary who illegally entered this country as Julio Ingelias. Lastly, we have former member Kurt Kruggle, a despicable pervert. First arrested five years ago for making love to a fire hydrant. An additional charge was brought against Kruggle for parking in front of it.
Mayor Flambo: I don't care what methods you use, Hammer. Just bring back my daughter.
Hammer: I will, sir. Dead or alive.
Mayor Flambo: But the point is to bring her back alive, Hammer.
Hammer: Oh, right, no alive. Why else would I want to say dead, I don't know where my head's at.
Mayor Flambo: That man makes Rambo look like Peewee Herman.
Doreau: Don't tell me, I bet you think all women should be barefoot and pregnant, right?
Hammer: No, I encourage women to wear shoes.
Hammer: Always keep a gun on you when you're getting a massage?
Kurt Kruggle: How else is a creep like me going to get a woman to even give him one?
Hammer: Doreau, that was excessively violent and completely unnecessary. I loved it. It was poetry in motion.
Doreau: Thank you. I was top of my class in hand-to-hand combat.
Hammer: I'd like to fight you sometime, Doreau.
Doreau: You're on.
Hammer: Listen, creep, look. I'm Inspector Sledge Hammer and I don't give a damn about the rights of criminals. The only rights I'm interested in defending are the rights of... American... citizens.
Kurt Kruggle: I'm a citizen.
Hammer: Shut up. Don't confuse me.
Doreau: Mrs. Flambo supports every worthy charity in existence.
Hammer: Yeah. All except my favorite one.
Doreau: What's that?
Hammer: Toy Guns for Tots.
Hammer: I hate to say it, sir, but your wife is a lying, scheming, deceitful, no-good piece of white trash.
Mayor Flambo: I've known that for years, but she had nothing to do with the kidnapping.
Hammer: You know, I almost forgot I had a grenade in my pocket. Lucky this jacket didn't go to the cleaners.
Doreau: Thank goodness you followed me here.
Hammer: No, don't thank goodness. Thank gun.
Doreau: Thanks, Sledge.
Hammer: Enough warmth.
Reisner: Doreau, you're off your rocker.
Doreau: True, but I know what I'm doing.