Sousa: I want this Sledge Hammer for the rest of his life to be dead!
Hammer: Wow. Morning edition is a little thick today, isn’t it, Fred?
Fred: That’s because they’ve gone and made 62 new horoscope signs.
Trunk: I understand you’re a marked man. Word on the street is there’s already been an attempt on your life.
Hammer: Ooh, color me frightened. Did they succeed?
Jacob: I be Jacob, and this be my daughter, Isadora.
Hammer: Well, I’m Inspector Hammer and this be my gun.
Doreau: Sledge, where in the world are you? Captain Trunk thought the worst happened to you.
Hammer: Why’d he think the worst?
Doreau: He said, uh, “optimism.”
Isadora: I’ve never been with a man before. In that way.
Hammer: Neither have I.
Hammer: I thought violence was against your way of life.
Jacob: Hey. This is the ‘80s.
Isadora: Will I ever see you again?
Hammer: Only if you make the Ten Most Wanted List. Kind of unlikely.
Jacob: Go with God, Sledge Hammer.
Hammer: Obey the penal codes.
The title, and the episode in general, are a parody of the 1985 movie Witness, starring Harrison Ford as a detective who is forced to take refuge in an Amish community when criminals come after him and the Amish boy he's protecting.