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Son of the Beach Episode Guide

1 :01x01 - With Sex You Get Eggroll

First aired: Mar/14/2000
Writer: Timothy Stack, James R. Stein
Director: George Verschoor
Guest star: Lisa Brounstein (Large Woman), Glen Chin (Mr. X), Nina Grace Cho (Sum Pi), Jason C. Hopkins (Kody Massengil), Mickey Nahan (Announcer), Lisa Brounstein (Large Woman), Nina Grace Cho (Sum Pi), Jason C. Hopkins (Kody Massengil), Mickey Nahan (Announcer)

Some Asian women want to move to the USA and pay to be shipped to Malibu Adjacent. They believe that they will pay off the transportation bill through working in a sweatshop, but will instead be forced to work in a brothel. One of these Asian women runs into Notch Johnson, and he decides to try to help them. Meanwhile, Mayor Anita Massengil decides to get rid of the thorn in her side, the man holding back her political career. She sends Kimberlee Clark undercover to try to get Notch Johnson.



2 :01x02 - Silence of the Clams

First aired: Mar/21/2000
Writer: Timothy Stack, David Morgasen
Director: Scott McAboy
Guest star: James O'Shea (Chad Jeremy), Lynne Marie Stewart (Ellen), Mary Wilcher (Buffy), Mychal Wilson (Friend), Kristen Miller (Hottie McDaniel), Lynne Marie Stewart (Ellen), Cerina Vincent (Sorority Girl), Mary Wilcher (Buffy), Mychal Wilson (Friend)

An eco-terrorist is terrorizing Malibu Adjacent, forcing Notch Johnson to close down the beach. The Mayor is annoyed both because this is trying to turn Malibu Adjacent into a great place for college students to spend their Spring Break, and because it is the annual Crabapalooza time.

The college students arrive, and some are adversely affected by the toxic radiation waste released into the ocean by the eco-terrorist. Meanwhile, one of the college students makes a bet that he can get B.J. Cummings to sleep with him.



5 :01x05 - Two Thongs Don't Make a Right

First aired: Apr/11/2000
Writer: James R. Stein, Timothy Stack
Guest star: Aleks West (Bikini Girl), David Starzyk (Joseph Anthony 'Dad' Gozinia), Aleks West (Bikini Girl), Deprise Brescia (Juanita), Lisa Brounstein (Fat Woman), Griffin Frazen (Peter Gonzinia), David Starzyk (Joseph Anthony 'Dad' Gozinia)



6 :01x06 - Fanny and the Professor

First aired: Apr/18/2000
Writer: James R. Stein, Timothy Stack
Director: William Warren
Guest star: Jaclyn Dahm (Louise), Nicole Dahm (Dreyfuss), Robert Pine (Governor), Jack Riley (Chappy), Robert Stephen Ryan (Professor Milosevic), Erica Dahm (Julia), Jaclyn Dahm (Louise), Nicole Dahm (Dreyfuss), Robert Pine (Governor), Robert Stephen Ryan (Professor Milosevic)

One of Notch's former lifeguard buddies suddenly turns up, barely able to move, but super-intelligent. Professor Milosevic, that lifeguard buddy, has spent a rather large amount of time creating some robot lifeguards (Julia, Louis, and Dreyfuss), and for one reason or another, the Mayor has decided to replace the current human lifeguards with the robots. Notch's group of humans are given the chance to compete with the robots for the right to be Malibu Adjacent's lifeguards.



8 :01x08 - Miso Honei

First aired: Aug/08/2000
Writer: Paul A. Abeyta, Peter Kaikko
Director: Gloria Muzio
Guest star: Corbin Bernsen (Big Red Johnson), Bill MacDonald (Sports Announcer), Tyler Mane (Adolf Manson), Jack Riley (Chappy), Christopher Winsor (Tommy), Bill MacDonald (Sports Announcer), Tyler Mane (Adolf Manson), Jack Riley (Chappy)



9 :01x09 - South of Her Border

First aired: Aug/15/2000
Writer: David Morgasen
Director: Scott McAboy
Guest star: Erik Estrada (President SeƱor Winces), Maureen McCormick (Mrs. Strawther), Jason C. Hopkins (Kody Massengil), Miles Marsico (Kid), John Vargas (Sergeant Cohiba), Janice Montellone (Labia), Jason C. Hopkins (Kody Massengil), Miles Marsico (Kid), Jose Perez (General Partagas), John Vargas (Sergeant Cohiba)



10 :01x10 - Day of the Jackass

First aired: Aug/22/2000
Director: George Verschoor
Guest star: Bumper Robinson (Prince Vidor), Alan Thicke (Captain "Buck" Enteneille), Cuba Nguyen (Premier Ho), Allen Cliffton White (King Vidor), Bumper Robinson (Prince Vidor), Alan Thicke (Captain "Buck" Enteneille), Allen Cliffton White (King Vidor)



11 :01x11 - A Star Is Boned

First aired: Aug/29/2000
Writer: David Morgasen, James R. Stein, Timothy Stack
Director: Scott McAboy
Guest star: Darla Haun (Mary), Maxwell Caulfield (Stevens), Rachel York (Regina Streep), Maxwell Caulfield (Stevens), Doug Cox (Director), Albert Wong (Delivery Man), Rachel York (Regina Streep)



12 :01x12 - Attack of the Cocktopuss

First aired: Sep/05/2000
Writer: David Morgasen, James R. Stein
Guest star: Leslie Jordan (Jordan), Corey Feldman (Record Executive), Gary Coleman (Barker Bob), James Henriksen (Reporter), Miles Marsico (Kid), Doug Stone (The Cocktopuss), Leslie Jordan (Jordan), James Henriksen (Reporter), Miles Marsico (Kid), Doug Stone (The Cocktopuss), Travis Wester (Dude)

An almost mythical creature, the Cocktopuss, wanders ashore and befriends B.J. Meanwhile, some prize money has been made available to anyone that captures a Cocktopuss. The mayor, spotting a political opportunity, has the Cocktopuss captured (therefore keeping the money for the city), and puts the Cocktopuss on display. B.J. and the rest of the lifeguards try to figure out some way to help this Cocktopuss.



13 :01x13 - Mario Putzo's... The Last Dong

First aired: Sep/12/2000
Writer: James R. Stein, David Morgasen, Timothy Stack
Director: George Verschoor
Guest star: Buck Kartalian (Papa Gigio), Vincent Pastore (Vince Fellachio), Jack Riley (Chappy), Victoria Silvstedt (Eva Rommel), Lynne Marie Stewart (Ellen), Rick K. Kleber (Morbidly Obese Frankie), Billy Acquaviva, Jr. (Overweight Sal), Vincent Pastore (Vince Fellachio), Jack Riley (Chappy), Victoria Silvstedt (Eva Rommel), Lynne Marie Stewart (Ellen), Billy Acquaviva, Jr. (Overweight Sal)

Some mobsters start to try to take over Malibu Adjacent, after having been kicked out of their last place of abode. Notch Johnson, and his crew, try to stop the mafia from completing their take-over of Malibu Adjacent.



14 :02x01 - B.J. Blue Hawaii

First aired: Mar/13/2001
Guest star: Ant (Jerry Aglay), Alexis Arquette (Beverly), Richmond Arquette (M.C.), Pat Morita (King Kumonya), Alexis Arquette (Beverly), Richmond Arquette (M.C.), Linda Kim (Rucy Roo), Pat Morita (King Kumonya)



15 :02x02 - From Russia with Johnson

First aired: Mar/20/2001
Writer: Joe Port, Joe Wiseman
Director: Scott McAboy
Guest star: Angelica Bridges (Areola), Walter Koenig (General Dimitri Sukitov), Kristof Konrad (Sergei), Roman Varshavsky (Federov), Angelica Bridges (Areola), Walter Koenig (General Dimitri Sukitov), Roman Varshavsky (Federov), Tori A. Artz (Thurston Banks Hewitt III)



16 :02x03 - Remember Her Titans

First aired: Mar/27/2001
Writer: James R. Stein, David Morgasen, Timothy Stack
Guest star: Ungenita Prevost (Jerome's Girl), Bill MacDonald (Sports Announcer), Thomas Anthony Jones (McBeal Ali), Bill MacDonald (Sports Announcer), John Salley (Jerome Curl), Ungenita Prevost (Jerome's Girl), Jason C. Hopkins (Kody Massengil), Nick Jameson (Heathrow), Thomas Anthony Jones (McBeal Ali)



17 :02x04 - Rod Strikes Back

First aired: Apr/03/2001
Writer: Timothy Stack, David Morgasen, James R. Stein
Guest star: Mark Hamill (The Devine Rod), Jason C. Hopkins (Kody Massengil), Candace Kita (Reporter), Dan Tullis, Jr. (Prison Guard), Jason C. Hopkins (Kody Massengil), Candace Kita (Reporter)



18 :02x05 - Queefer Madness

First aired: Apr/10/2001
Writer: Timothy Stack, James R. Stein
Guest star: Sonia McCullum (Swim Suit Model), David Arquette (Johnny Queefer), Chuck Pacheco (Unknown), Sonia McCullum (Swim Suit Model), David Arquette (Johnny Queefer), Neil Patrick Harris (Loverboy), Chuck Pacheco (Unknown)



19 :02x06 - Light My Firebush

First aired: Apr/17/2001
Writer: Joe Wiseman, Joe Port
Director: Tim Andrew
Guest star: Larry Flynt (Himself), Michelle Ruben (Hot Girl), Joanna Bacalso (Firebush), Michelle Ruben (Hot Girl), Casey Sander (Ray Cummings), Joan Van Ark (Ima Cummings)



20 :02x07 - Chip's a Goy

First aired: Apr/24/2001
Writer: David Morgasen, Timothy Stack, James R. Stein
Director: Scott McAboy
Guest star: Gilbert Gottfried (Noccus Johnstein), Mark Harris (Himself), Jackie Martling (Himself), Jackie Martling (Himself), Stu Levin (Schmuel), Elisa Leonetti (Chcch), Stu Levin (Schmuel), Shaun Toub (Mohammed)

Notch and the gang go to Israel to visit sister city Tel Aviv Adjacent. Notch is kidnapped by HUMMUS, a terrorist group, and it is up to the girls to rescue him.



21 :02x08 - A Tale of Two Johnsons

First aired: May/29/2001
Writer: Joe Wiseman, Joe Port
Guest star: Jerry Springer (The Commissioner), Dweezil Zappa (Tom Maxwell), Dweezil Zappa (Tom Maxwell)



22 :02x09 - It's a Nude, Nude, Nude, Nude World

First aired: Jun/05/2001
Writer: Timothy Stack, David Morgasen
Director: Tim Andrew
Guest star: Hank The Angry Drunken Dwarf (Himself), Todd Bridges (Himself), Todd Bridges (Himself), Patty Hearst (Digger's Mother (as Patricia Hearst)), Patty Hearst (Digger's Mother (as Patricia Hearst)), Gary Dell'Abate (Himself), Gary Dell'Abate (Himself), Sydney Colston (Mercury Lincoln), Jake Fritz (Little Boy), Jake Fritz (Little Boy), Rib Hillis (Digger Cooseberry), Rib Hillis (Digger Cooseberry), Michelle Ruben (Naked Weightlifter Woman), Robert Stephen Ryan (Professor Milosevic), Robert Stephen Ryan (Professor Milosevic)



23 :02x10 - It's Showtime at the Apollo 13!

First aired: Jun/12/2001
Writer: Joe Wiseman, Joe Port
Director: Scott McAboy
Guest star: Dwayne L. Barnes (Sean Puffy Aldrin), Dwayne L. Barnes (Sean Puffy Aldrin), Simon Helberg (Billy), Bill MacDonald (Sports Announcer), Bill MacDonald (Sports Announcer), Ashley C. Nelson (Hot Girl), Michelle Ruben (Wrap-up Girl), Michelle Ruben (Wrap-up Girl), Lynne Marie Stewart (Ellen), Sandra Taylor (Hot Teacher)



25 :02x12 - The Sexorcist

First aired: Jun/26/2001
Writer: Mark Amato
Director: Gene Laufenberg
Guest star: Jason C. Hopkins (Kody Massengil), Sammi Rotibi (African Worker), Michelle Ruben (Wrap-up Girl), William Schallert (Father Chuck), Tim Silva (Dr. Towers), Gretchen Becker (Moderator), Darla Haun (Sister Ashley), Jason C. Hopkins (Kody Massengil), Maureen McCormick (Mrs. Strawther), Michelle Ruben (Wrap-up Girl), William Schallert (Father Chuck), Tim Silva (Dr. Towers), Gretchen Becker (Moderator)



26 :02x13 - Grand Prix

First aired: Jul/03/2001
Writer: Joe Wiseman, Joe Port
Director: Scott McAboy
Guest star: Cindy Ambuehl (Nicorette), Bill MacDonald (Sports Announcer), Lynne Marie Stewart (Ellen), Jason C. Hopkins (Kody Massengil), Bill MacDonald (Sports Announcer), Lynne Marie Stewart (Ellen), Cindy Williams (Bobbi)



27 :02x14 - Area 69

First aired: Jul/10/2001
Writer: Timothy Stack, James R. Stein
Director: John Putch
Guest star: Beetlejuice (Himself), Joanna Krupa (Hot Girl), Johnny Messner (Handsome Guy), Alan Thicke (Captain "Buck" Enteneille), Gloria Payne (Snatch Johnson), Chip Zien (Larry Big), Beetlejuice (Himself), Joanna Krupa (Hot Girl), Johnny Messner (Handsome Guy), Alan Thicke (Captain "Buck" Enteneille)



28 :02x15 - Booger Nights

First aired: Jul/17/2001
Writer: Timothy Stack, James R. Stein
Guest star: Beetlejuice (Himself), Jason C. Hopkins (Kody Massengil), Vincent Pastore ( Vince Fellachio), Jack Riley (Chappy), Bradley Jay Lesley (Cellmate), Tiffany Richardson (Sales Girl), Beetlejuice (Himself), Jason C. Hopkins (Kody Massengil), Ian Kerr (Butler), Vincent Pastore ( Vince Fellachio), Lynne Marie Stewart (Ellen), Bradley Jay Lesley (Cellmate)



31 :03x02 - Saturday Night Queefer

First aired: Jun/25/2002
Director: Scott McAboy
Guest star: David Arquette (Johnny Queefer), Jim Jackman (Yippie), Chuck Pacheco (DJ Host), Rick Marotta (Tony Manure), Jim Jackman (Yippie), Marc Lynn (Cal Manure), The Squee-kees (Themselves), Rick Marotta (Tony Manure)



33 :03x04 - Three Days of the Condom

First aired: Jul/09/2002
Writer: Reid Harrison
Director: Arthur Borman
Guest star: Charles Napier (Charles Foster Brooks), William Katt (Congressman George Bukaki), Joanna Krupa (Hot Girl), Robert Stephen Ryan ( Professor Milosevic), Jimmie Walker (Uncle Ben), Chip Zien (Larry Big), Charles Napier (Charles Foster Brooks), William Katt (Congressman George Bukaki), Joanna Krupa (Hot Girl), Gloria Payne (Snatch Johnson), Robert Stephen Ryan ( Professor Milosevic), Jimmie Walker (Uncle Ben)



34 :03x05 - Witness for the Prostitution

First aired: Jul/16/2002
Writer: Allison Gallant, Mira Handman
Guest star: Billy Beck (Nick "Snuggles" Pappasmearos), Morgan Brittany (Kimberlee's Mother), Rance Howard (Unknown), Jack Riley (Chappy), Lynne Marie Stewart (Ellen), Cerina Vincent (Mandy), Kristin Herold (Tiffany), Morgan Brittany (Kimberlee's Mother), Rance Howard (Unknown), Jack Riley (Chappy), Lynne Marie Stewart (Ellen), Cerina Vincent (Mandy), Kristin Herold (Tiffany)



35 :03x06 - The Gay Team

First aired: Jul/23/2002
Writer: Neal Boushell, Sam O'Neal
Director: Scott McAboy
Guest star: Angelica Bridges (Areola), RuPaul (Heinous Anus), Randy Hall (Agent McHale), Mark Harris (Gaybraham Lincoln), Michelle Ruben (Wrap-up Girl), Alan Thicke (Captain "Buck" Enteneille), Angelica Bridges (Areola), Billy Beck ( Nick "Snuggles" Pappasmearos), RuPaul (Heinous Anus), Michael DeVorzon (Young Man), Mark Harris (Gaybraham Lincoln), Michelle Ruben (Wrap-up Girl), Alan Thicke (Captain "Buck" Enteneille)



36 :03x07 - You Only Come Once

First aired: Jul/30/2002
Writer: Joe Port, Joe Wiseman
Director: Jack Murray
Guest star: Michael Ensign ("F"), Enya Flack (Velveeta), Gloria Gifford (Okra Lee Gifford), Frank Sinatra, Jr. (Notorious Stinkfinger), T.V. Blake (Gruyere), Toru M. Tanaka, Jr. (Handjive), Michael Ensign ("F"), Rick Garcia (Casino Dealer), Gloria Gifford (Okra Lee Gifford), Frank Sinatra, Jr. (Notorious Stinkfinger), Pam Trotter (Provalone)



37 :03x08 - Hamm Stroker's Suck My Blood

First aired: Aug/06/2002
Writer: David Morgasen, James R. Stein
Director: Tim Andrew
Guest star: Max Baker (Englishman), Robert Beuth (Town Crier), Sydney Colston (Mercury Lincoln), Jack Riley (Chappy), Robert Stephen Ryan ( Professor Milosevic), Lynne Marie Stewart (Ellen), Musetta Vander (Nutragena), Max Baker (Englishman), Robert Beuth (Town Crier), Sydney Colston (Mercury Lincoln), Jake Fritz (Little Boy), Gilbert Gottfried (Noccus Johnstein), Rib Hillis (Digger Gooseberry), Jim Jackman (Yippie), Jack Riley (Chappy), Robert Stephen Ryan ( Professor Milosevic), Lynne Marie Stewart (Ellen), Musetta Vander (Nutragena)



39 :03x10 - Empty the Dragon

First aired: Aug/20/2002
Writer: Mark Amato
Guest star: Fabio (Himself), Tim Herzog (Zig), Preston James Hillier (Guy #1), Dana Lee (General Toumalou), Rex Lee (Bellboy), David Morgasen (Prof. Taykakaka/Non-Sync Notch), Daran Norris (Karaoke Emcee), Susie Park (Binaka), Lynne Marie Stewart (Binaka), Stacy Joe Miyake (Nokia), Tim Herzog (Zig), Preston James Hillier (Guy #1), Dana Lee (General Toumalou), Rex Lee (Bellboy), Lydia Look (Madam), David Morgasen (Prof. Taykakaka/Non-Sync Notch), Susie Park (Binaka), Lynne Marie Stewart (Binaka), Ken Takemoto (Professor Taykakaka), Stacy Joe Miyake (Nokia)



40 :03x11 - The Long Hot Johnson

First aired: Aug/27/2002
Writer: Patrick Stack, Kal Zurnamer
Director: Tim Andrew
Guest star: Leslie Jordan (Jordan), Billy Beck (Nick "Snuggles" Pappasmearos), Gary Coleman (Saltine Cracker), Deborah Harmon (Pussy Willow), Mickey Jones (Vernon), Nate Reese (Congregant), Leslie Jordan (Jordan), Harry Anderson (Bull Cracker), Billy Beck (Nick "Snuggles" Pappasmearos), Gary Coleman (Saltine Cracker), Deborah Harmon (Pussy Willow), Mickey Jones (Vernon), Barbara Roberts (Aunt Jizzy), Robert R. Shafer (Main Crony), Cathy Shambley (Nurse)



42 :03x13 - Jailhouse Notch (2)

First aired: Sep/24/2002
Writer: David DiPietro, Paul Ciancarelli
Guest star: Lee Majors (Colonel Seymore Kooze), Bob Amaral (Dominic Barbarella), Christopher Darden (Himself), Len Lesser (Nick Pappasmearos, Jr.), Stephen Mendillo (Judge Howard Doody), Jack Riley (Chappy), Patrick Stack (Jury Forman), Dan Tullis, Jr. (Prison Guard), Anson Williams (Warden Jack Beatty), Robert Donavan (Guard), Bob Amaral (Dominic Barbarella), Scott Berman (Greasy Guy), Christopher Darden (Himself), James Gleason (Irish Priest), Len Lesser (Nick Pappasmearos, Jr.), Barry Livingston (Eric), Bill MacDonald (Reporter), Stephen Mendillo (Judge Howard Doody), Dan Tullis, Jr. (Prison Guard), Anson Williams (Warden Jack Beatty), Robert Donavan (Guard)