E.L. arrives at the agency wearing a fake cast and says he has a broken foot. He claims he broke his foot at a roller derby while dancing with a nun, and he needs to take a leave of absence. E.L. comments that the office is a mess because their cleaning lady, Katie, didn't show up. He then insists he needs to go home, and refuses Lionel's offer to drive him home. Once he's gone, Lionel quickly realizes that E.L. played him and drives off after him.
E.L. has a limousine and a hired chauffeur, James. He goes to a costume shop and Lionel demands answers from James. James says that they're working for the Countess Katarina of the House of Romanoff. Lionel goes inside and finds E.L. picking out wedding dresses for their elderly cleaning lady, Katie. When he comes out with her, Lionel confronts E.L. and demands answers. Katie explains that she's getting married and that then she'll get back to clean the office. Lionel pulls E.L. off and forces him to explain. E.L. explains that Katie is a real Countess, and is marrying Marty Boxx, a talent agent. Lionel tries to stop Katie, who insists that everything is okay, and E.L. tells Lionel to wait until he gets the full story, but they have a wedding to attend.
Lionel follows them to the courthouse where the press are waiting. Meanwhile, two men, Victor Gardenia and French, are watching from nearby. Gardenia calls Professor Harlan Davidson and tells him that Katie has arrived. Davidson tells French to pick Katie up as part of his master plan, and asks him not to use his gun unless absolutely necessary.
E.L., Katie, and Lionel arrive to meet with Marty, who is unhappy at the publicity. Lionel protests and E.L. gets him out before he can ruin things. Marty then pays E.L. $250,000 once he's confirmed that Katie is a legitimate Russian Countess. Once the marriage is complete, Marty immediately leaves, happy that he's now a count. E.L. takes Katie out and gets in the elevator with Lionel… and Gardenia and French. Gardenia draws a gun and informs them that he has other plans.
Outside, E.L. tries to explain that it's a mistake, while Lionel warns that Gardenia is committing a Federal offense. Gardenia is unimpressed. The partners knock him and French down and drive back to the office. Lionel demands explanations while Katie starts cleaning the office. She explains that she is from the House of Romanoff, but she's lived in the U.S. since the revolution. Her husband died in Korea and she doesn't think it's important that she's royalty. Lionel apologizes, while E.L. explains that he collects 10% of the payment. Marty will get a divorce in six months and keep the title, and the entire thing is legal. Lionel objects to Katie being married off like chattel, but E.L. insists it's very romantic. Katie has no idea who her abductors are, and Lionel warns her that her life is danger and he wants her to stay at his house. Katie agrees, as long as she can clean.
They arrive at Lionel's house, and Lionel can't stop addressing her as royalty. Later, they go back to the office and Lionel insists that he's going to need to treat her as royalty even if she'd rather be a cleaning lady. They find Gardenia waiting for them with a gun, and Lionel quickly disarms him with karate. He warns them that they're making a big mistake, and explains that he wants to hire them for $10,000 to recover a personal memento with no financial value. Gardenia refuses to explain what it is until later, and agrees to meet them later. Once he gets his gun back, he tries to hold it on them until he realizes E.L. took out the bullets. They order him out and then follow him to an apartment.
The partners break in and find Gardenia meeting with Davidson, who introduces himself as a professor of Russian History. He's traveled three continents on his quest to investigate the Romanoff family line. Davidson offers them money to help him, but Lionel points out that Gardenia already told them he's looking for an object. French ambushes them from behind and the partners are forced to surrender. The professor figures that Lionel took Katie to his house, and looks up his home address. He then tells Gardenia to dispose of the partners.
As they go down the stairs, Lionel attacks Gardenia and throws him down the stairs. They get back to Lionel's house and talk to Katie. She doesn't know who Davidson is but becomes agitated when Lionel says the professor is looking for an object. They warn that Boxx will fold as soon as Davidson's pressure him for her address, and Katie finally explains that Davidson is looking for the treasure of the tsar. She has it at home, and they hope they can get there before Marty tells Gardenia and French her address.
Gardenia and French abduct Marty at gunpoint and take him to a gas station where they beat him until he gives up Katie's address.
Katie, E.L. and Lionel go through her boxes and find the treasure, a jeweled dagger. As they leave, Gardenia and French arrive and cut them off. Gardenia's gun jam and Lionel disarms French when he gets out of the car. French grabs Katie, tosses Marty out, and escapes with Gardenia.
As the partners try to get their car started, E.L. blames himself for messing up Katie's life. Marty is unimpressed, but is shocked to learn that Katie is a cleaning lady. He doesn't want them to go to the police because of the publicity, and because they'll kill Katie.
Davidson demands that Katie tell him where the dagger is, but she refuses to admit she knows anything about it. The professor figures that Lionel and E.L. have the dagger.
At the office, the partners and Marty wait for Davidson to call. The professor finally calls and puts Katie on, and she tells them not to give up the dagger. E.L. tells Davidson that he gave Marty the dagger for safekeeping, and he's at the studio lot. Davidson offers the dagger for Marty's wife, and warns them not to involve the police.
Davidson and his men take Katie to the studio to find Marty. He's waiting for them with the dagger, but Katie grabs it. E.L. lowers a net on Davidson and Gardenia, while Lionel jumps French and knocks him out. Once they get free, Gardenia and Davidson try to find Katie and the dagger. Up on the catwalks, E.L. knocks Gardenia off, while Lionel draws the knife on Davidson and captures him
Later, Lionel is happy that they've put the bad guys in jail, and Katie is set for life. E.L. is depressed and finally explains that he lost the $25,000 in the commodities market. Katie comes in, ready to go back to work, but E.L. explains he didn't lose her money. Katie will keep her share of the $250,000 for security, but she has no plans to quit her beloved job. The badly injured Gardenia hobbles in and demands that they surrender.