Announcer: Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, Joe White will have as his guests on this provocative hour of conversation, an American Nazi, a man who has claimed to spent last weekend in a flying saucer, and a young lady whose remarkably successful first novel has created a storm of controversy.
Napoleon: That's what I like about Joe, he comes to grips with the burning issues of our time.
Joe White: Everybody knows that real secret agents don't get involved in this kind of intrigue. In this kind of sex.
Napoleon: Everybody knows we don't get mixed up in things like that.
Illya: Sure they do.
Ellipsis Zark: When I was 13 years old, I made my first genuinely original decision. I killed a play mate because he wouldn't trade me two bubblegum cards to complete my collection.
Thrush Agent: But sir, you don't know where the diaries are. You want to keep her alive now. So, I didn't really fail, did I?
Ellipsis Zark: It was a small thing at the time. The Sopwith Triplane and a Spare 13. But it did teach me that there are two kinds of people in this world, Spinard.
Thrush Agent: Fifteen years of slavishly loyal service to Thrush, sir.
Ellipsis Zark: Yes. Two kinds of people. Those with bubblegum cards. And those without.
Ellipsis Zark: There's no more vain creature in the world than one with its name on the cover of a cheap book.
Napoleon: Judith. Yes, I've read your reviews. Very incisive.
Jody Moore: A synonym for incisive is nasty. But thank you in any case, Mr. Solo.
Illya: "Humor is the gadfly on the corpse of tragedy."
Illya: My grandmother.
Napoleon: If she doesn't come back from being a seven-year-old, we'll never find the diaries.
Illya: We can always look on the bright side. With a mentality like that, she could really write a best-seller.
Napoleon: Can we trust you with some privileged information?
Oedipus Buck: Trust? Oh, I am the silence that infests the grave. I am the hush to be found at the bottom of the Cayman Trench. I am the sealed lipedness of the eternal...
Napoleon: Right. Got it.
Illya: Among other things, I was, uh, overpowered by an old man with a cane.
Napoleon: An old man?
Illya: Yeah, with a cane. When things like that happen, I wonder I'm not in the wrong business.
Napoleon: It's about time you got here, what took you so long?
Illya: One of these days I'm going to leave you on your own. Just to see how you'll manage.
Napoleon: Well, onto each life a little rain must fall.
Illya: I hate to interrupt this happy scene, but I wish to register a complaint. Was it necessary for you to hit me quite so hard with your cane?
Waverly: Ah, yes. Uh, I'm sorry about that, Mr. Kuryakin. But, uh, well, I did have to gain their confidence, didn't I?
Illya: Of course, but I still have the lump.