Marty: Why don't we just not have them (Marty's parents) come this year?
Debbie: Don't tease me, Martin Weaver. Don't you dare tease me.
Max: Wait. I know what we should do. Let's deep fry a turkey!
Marty: Max, yes. You are brilliant! I don't care what the testing says!
Debbie: An in-law free, deep fried Thanksgiving!
Max: Wait. What did the testing say?
Debbie: Okay, how are you gonna explaing the Bird-Kersees to your folks?
Marty: Well, you know, they're... they're better at blending in now. And when my parents see a white guy with a black lady, an Asian kid, and a redhead, they're not gonna be much into conversation, so...
Debbie: At last, an upside to racism.
Reggie: (to Jackie's sisters) Ladies, although you've been exiled for attempting to overthrow my father, out mother misses you. Therefore we come neither as judge nor friend, but with a question.
Dick: Want to come to Thanksgiving?
Theresa: Who's ready for a sweater? I got the patterns from Rosie O'Donnell's craft book. For a lesbian crackpot, she does have some darling ideas.
Amber: Awesome! I always wanted to wear genocide.
Marty: Here you go, Pop.
Dominick: What the hell is this?
Marty: It's a microbrew, the best money can buy.
Dominick: (scoffs) Microbrew. So I guess you're a raging liberal now, too, huh?
Dominick: Where are you folks from?
Reggie: I look Asian.
Dick: My biological mother was a redhead.
Theresa: Where are you guys from?
Reggie: My biological mother was a redhead.
Dick: I'm Jewish.