Ask Elena: Answers to Your Most Pressing TV Conundrums

Sometimes you need to spill your heart open and reveal your fears, hopes and wishes. If you are a television fanatic like me, some of your fears, hopes and wishes revolve around your favorite television characters.

People always come to me seeking advice. I’m the person that you randomly start chatting with in the supermarket line. I highly doubt that it’s because of my degree in psychology, or my name tag that says, "Master Advice Guru," but rather my ability to actively listen and not roll my eyes.

Usually, I am able to practically guide people in the right direction with love and support, and maybe, a firm kick to the rump. Well, since I really love television, and I know that you do too -- in lieu of giving advice to family and friends, I’ve decided to ask everyone to share their own personal television conundrums.

Just some background: Yes, these are true questions. I didn’t make them up. Some of them have a theme (over-emulating a favorite television character), and all of them are unedited, and asked exactly the same way as my friend or family member originally inquired.

I hope that my friends and readers will be able to relate to the many different TV conundrums and, perhaps, find solace in the fact that they are not alone in this crazy, syndicated world.

Dear Elena,

Despite the fact that the bit is now several years old, I find that I can't stop emulating Dave Chapelle's impression of Lil' Jon. I've even gone so far recently as to begin miming pushing my dread locks out of the way when I say HUWHAT (I do not actually have dread locks). I'm on thin ice with my friends and family, but I still can't stop.What should I do?  Or to be more accurate: HUWHAT should I do?

Addicted To HOKAY

There you go.

M

M,

After reading your letter, it sounds like you do not actually want to stop emulating Dave Chapelle’s Lil’ Jon. I feel like I should be giving advice to your friends and family, for their sake. Please forward my response to your whole family and all your friends.

My advice to them would be to completely ignore you. Let them know that your behavior will then escalate to saying “HUWHAT,” and “HOKAY” in every sentence, and then should quickly decline after no one listens to what you are saying.

Now, this part is just for you: Start watching ‘NCIS,’ and see how Agent Gibbs responds to someone who has said something stupid. (He slaps them on the side of the head.) Now, every time you find yourself channeling ‘Lil’ Jon,’ emulate Agent Gibbs, and give yourself a good slap on the head.

Dear Elena,

Ever since I began watching 'Downton Abbey,' I find myself daydreaming about living in a Yorkshire countryside estate. It's begun to interfere with my real life. For example, yesterday my boss asked me to write a document, and I told her to ask Mr. Carson to bring me my pen and lap desk. I also feel compelled to host seven course fancy-dress dinner parties, and I'll only eat breakfast now if it's served to me in bed. What should I do?

Signed,

Lady Nostalgia

Lady Nostalgia,

I only like breakfast served in bed, too. And, that means… I never eat breakfast. Breakfast is a really important meal of the day, and I completely believe that you should keep your priorities about meals clear.

If you feel compelled to host seven course fancy-dress dinner parties, please do! (Especially if you are not eating breakfast.) But, please, try to refrain from indulging in your fantasy around your boss. You probably want to keep your job because it helps to pay for television-related things, like Amazon Prime and Netflix. 

So let’s recap: TV fantasies are okay if you remember to eat properly, and want to throw fancy dinner parties. You need to refrain when they directly impact your actual work. Unless, your boss also watches ‘Downton Abbey.’ Then, she might just think you are joking. (We all know you are completely serious.)

That being said, please daydream and live vicariously through television, but remember that your life is just as important as ‘Downton Abbey.’ 

Dear Elena.  

I LOVED Buffer the Vampire slayer so much I BOUGHT all the DVDs. However, I never was able to watch the complete last season. So I don't know how it actually ended. After three failed attempts in which I never got past Episode 8, should I try again or should I just Google Buffy Season 7? Or should I seek a good therapist.

-John (No relationship to Elena) Mertus

Hi Dad...

First, I believe you are talking about ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer,’ not ‘Buffer The Vampire Slayer,’ unless there is a show that I have never heard about that stars a dynamic solution that resists changes in pH when acid, alkali and vampires are added to it. (Chemistry joke!)

As baseball umpires say, “three strikes and you are out.” I would highly recommend that you let the show go. This goes for anyone who has felt like they need to "guilt-watch" a show. If you feel desire and excitement to proceed with the episode, do it! If you feel like you are watching something just to say you’ve completed it -- don’t do it. If you're not jiving with the last season, it’s okay.

Think of it like this -- you were dating someone and it didn’t work out (‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer,’) but there is another awesome person that you want to get to know (Insert New Show). Do you really want to miss out on the new opportunity, or date two people at once? Nah, too complicated. Just move on to the next show.

Or, you can just re-watch Season 1. 

This wraps up our questions for this week. Thank you for reading and letting me help you change the channel on your television behaviors, or should I say, "programming."

Next time, I'll be opening up the questions to TVRage readers, so, if you have a pressing TV conundrum, please leave a question for me in the comments and I'll give you an answer more quickly than you can hit "skip this ad" on YouTube.