The Golden Globes are always a mixed bag. Throw TV and movie people together in a banquet hall, ply them with a bunch of booze, and you're bound to get some weird results akin to an awkward wedding party. Last night's 71st annual awards was no exception. Hosts/bffs/best-people-ever, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, summed it up best at the end of the night: "This was the beautiful mess we hoped it would be."
In an awards season that's stocked with its "sure-things" (Cate Blanchett for 'Blue Jasmine' and Jared Leto in 'Dallas Buyers Club'), there were a few surprises in the film categories like Matthew McConaughey triumphing over Tom Hanks and Robert Redford for Best Actor in a Dramatic Film, and Leonardo DiCaprio winning Best Actor in a Comedy/Musical Film -- who knew that guy was even funny?! The awards got predictable again when '12 Years a Slave' and 'American Hustle' picked up Best Picture globes, and Jennifer Lawrence won, too, because I think that's sort of a new rule now.
The television side had a bit more of a "WTF" factor. Robin Wright won for her 'House of Cards' role, which was a pleasant surprise, as was Poehler winning -- finally! -- for 'Parks & Recreation.' But then things got weird when it was revealed that foreign people really, really like FOX's 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine.' Like, a lot. Not only did star Andy Samberg win for his role, but the show won for Best TV Comedy.
Then there was Jacqueline Bisset. Angelina Jolie's godmother kicked the show off with a nod for 'Dancing on the Edge' and gave us one of the weirdest, most rambling acceptance speeches ever. Was she drunk, or just shocked to win her first award in 40 years? Who cares! It was highly entertaining (Twitter went off the rails with it), and she gave one of the best tips of the night: “To look good, forgive everybody. It’s the best beauty secret.” Tuck that one into your pocket, ladies, 'cause girlfriend looks good!
Here are some more highlights and lowlights from the evening:
Best Joke of the Night: When Fey broke down the plot of 'Gravity' for us: "It's the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age."
Best Piece of Advice: Diddy, when appearing onstage to present, told us to "keep drinking; it will be over soon" and to "let it flow." It seems like the sort of advice we all needed to hear -- last night, and forever. I think he has a future in MCing if his, you know, singing/producing career doesn't work out.
Worst "Fun" Ever: When E!'s pre-show included Michael J. Fox's Parkinson's disease as his "fun fact" and also told us that Robert Redford had polio as a child. So fun! Yay diseases! Morons.
Rock Star Moment: Emma Thompson coming onstage, barefoot, holding her Louboutins and a martini glass and not giving a s---! "This red is my blood!" she said, and quickly became everyone's most-wanted drinking buddy.
WTF Moment #2: Post-Bisset, Diane Keaton's delightfully kooky tribute to Woody Allen ended with her reciting a song about friendship I learned while in Girl Scouts, and thus became the weirdest moment of the night (and haunted my dreams/nightmares).
Best Joke of the Night #2: Fey introducing DiCaprio: "And now, like a supermodel's vagina, let's all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio." Hey, even Leo laughed! ('Cause he knows it true!)
It was a long night, but still clocked in at 10:59 pm EST, so it wasn't terrible (Oscars/Ellen: are you listening?). But here is a complete list of this evening's winners, presented in bold, if you couldn't stay up that late (or wanted to watch 'Girls').
Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Sally Hawkins, 'Blue Jasmine'
Jennifer Lawrence, 'American Hustle'
Lupita Nyong’o, '12 Years A Slave'
Julia Roberts, 'August: Osage County'
June Squibb, 'Nebraska'
Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture
Daniel Bruhl, 'Rush'
Bradley Cooper, 'American Hustle'
Barkad Abdi, 'Captain Phillips'
Jared Leto, 'Dallas Buyers Club'
Michael Fassbender, '12 Years a Slave'
Best Supporting Actress in a Television Series, Miniseries or Motion Picture
Jacqueline Bisset, 'Dancing on the Edge
Janet McTeer, 'White Queen
Hayden Panettiere, 'Nashville
Monica Potter, 'Parenthood '
Sofia Vergara, 'Modern Family'
Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
'American Horror Story: Coven'
'Behind the Candelabra
'Dancing on the Edge'
'Top of the Lake
Best Actress in a Television Miniseries or Movie
Helena Bonham Carter, 'Burton and Taylor
Rebecca Ferguson, 'White Queen
Jessica Lange, 'American Horror Story: Coven'
Helen Mirren, 'Phil Spector'
Elisabeth Moss, 'Top of the Lake'
Best Actor in a Television Series, Drama
Bryan Cranston, 'Breaking Bad
Liev Schreiber, 'Ray Donovan
Michael Sheen, 'Masters of Sex
Kevin Spacey, 'House of Cards
James Spader, 'The Blacklist'
Best Actress in a Television Series, Drama
Tatiana Maslany, 'Orphan Black'
Robin Wright, 'House of Cards'
Julianna Margulies, 'The Good Wife'
Kerry Washington, 'Scandal'
Taylor Schilling, 'Orange is the New Black'
Best Television Series, Drama
'Breaking Bad '
'Downton Abbey '
'The Good Wife'
'Masters of Sex'
'House of Cards'
Best Original Song
"Atlas," 'The Hunger Games: Catching Fire,' Coldplay
"Let It Go," 'Frozen,' Idina Menzel
"Ordinary Love," 'Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom,' U2
"Please Mr. Kennedy," I'nside Llewyn Davis,' Justin Timberlake
"Sweeter Than Fiction," 'One Chance,' Taylor Swift
Best Supporting Actor in a Television Series, Miniseries or Motion Picture
Josh Charles, 'The Good Wife'
Rob Lowe, 'Behind the Candelabra
Aaron Paul, 'Breaking Bad'
Corey Stoll, 'House of Cards'
Jon Voight, 'Ray Donovan'
Best Actor in a Television Series, Comedy or Musical
Jason Bateman, 'Arrested Development'
Don Cheadle, 'House of Lies '
Michael J. Fox, 'The Michael J. Fox Show'
Jim Parsons, 'The Big Bang Theory'
Andy Samberg, 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'
Best Foreign Language Film
'Blue Is The Warmest Color'
'The Great Beauty'
'The Wind Rises'
Best Screenplay, Motion Picture
Bob Nelson, 'Nebraska'
John Ridley, '12 Years a Slave'
Spike Jonze, 'Her'
Jeff Pope and Steve Coogan, 'Philomena'
Eric Warren Singer and David O. Russell, 'American Hustle'
Best Actor in a Television Miniseries or Movie
Matt Damon, 'Behind the Candelabra'
Michael Douglas, 'Behind the Candelabra'
Chiwetel Ejiofor, 'Dancing on the Edge
Idris Elba, 'Luther'
Al Pacino, 'Phil Spector'
Best Animated Movie
'Despicable Me 2'
Best Actress in a Television Series, Comedy
Zooey Deschanel, 'New Girl'
Edie Falco, 'Nurse Jackie'
Lena Dunham, 'Girls'
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, 'Veep'
Amy Poehler, 'Parks and Recreation'
Alfonso Cuarón, 'Gravity'
Paul Greengrass, 'Captain Phillips'
Steve McQueen, '12 Years a Slave'
Alexander Payne, 'Nebraska'
David O. Russell, 'American Hustle'
Best Television Series, Comedy or Musical
'The Big Bang Theory
'Parks and Recreation'
Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical
Amy Adams, 'American Hustle'
Julie Delpy, 'Before Midnight'
Greta Gerwig, 'Frances Ha'
Meryl Streep, 'August: Osage County'
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, 'Enough Said'
Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical
Christian Bale, 'American Hustle'
Bruce Dern, 'Nebraska'
Leonardo DiCaprio, 'The Wolf of Wall Street'
Oscar Isaac, 'Inside Llewyn Davis'
Joaquin Phoenix, 'Her'
Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
'Inside Llewyn Davis'
'The Wolf of Wall Street'
Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama
Cate Blanchett, 'Blue Jasmine'
Sandra Bullock, 'Gravity'
Judi Dench, 'Philomena'
Emma Thompson, 'Saving Mr. Banks'
Kate Winslet, 'Labor Day'
Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama
Chiwetel Ejiofor, '12 Years a Slave'
Idris Elba, 'Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom'
Tom Hanks, 'Captain Phillips'
Matthew McConaughey, 'Dallas Buyers Club'
Robert Redford, 'All Is Lost'
Best Motion Picture, Drama
'12 Years a Slave'