Can't Fix Crazy - Recap
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In the chapel, Sophia and Sister Ingalls watch auditions for the Christmas pageant. The audtions are over-the-top, showing the cast of characters, lots of bad singing, rapping, inappropriate acts. Pennsatucky says she wants to be an angel.
Piper asks Sam for a marriage form. Sam denies her request.
Joe goes to the kitchen and asks Red why she is still in there. Joe assigns Gloria to the kitchen. Gloria asks if she can bring her own people in.
Natalie speaks with John. She says he shouldn’t fill out a report because of how the drugs came into the facility. She says it could back to him.
Larry speaks with his parents. He says he is getting married with Piper right away. His mom and dad question why Larry is rushing things.
In the library, Piper tells Alex that she is getting married right away, that she chose Larry over Alex. Alex gets angry. She says that Piper can never come running to her again.
Pornstache asks John about Dayanara, and says to let him know any feedback on what she says about him.
In the cafeteria, Pennsatucky, Leanne, and the others discuss the revenge against Piper. Pennsatucky quotes scripture.
Nicky, Boo, and Morello talk about the pageant. They also talk about how good the breakfast is. Nicky says not to mention anything to Red.
Natalie talks to Piper in her office. She talks about Larry’s interview. She then gives a list to Piper so that Larry is "better informed" about the prison. Piper mentions that Larry also spoke to Sam Healy about a lesbian affair. She then asks Natalie for a marriage request form.
The Latina women make tamales in the kitchen. They talk about how it’s like Christmas back home.
Nicky talks to the old cafeteria staff. She asks about Red. They tell Nicky that she should talk with her.
The guards read the prisoner’s mail. The talk about the relationship between Piper and Alex.
Nicky talks to Red. She says she has to pick a secret Santa name. Red asks how breakfast was. Nicky gives Red a secret Santa name.
Taystee points out a rat and letter on Piper’s dorm desk. The letter says that she will be dead. They ask Black Cindy what the rat symbol means.
Red tells her old white cafeteria staff to sabotage the service.
Gloria tells the old white staff not to screw up any of the service.
Piper sits at the cafeteria table with the black women and asks about Pennsatucky. They tell Piper how to fight. Piper asks them what Pennsatucky needs. They tell her that Pennsatucky needs new teeth.
John tells Dayanara that Pornstache is in love with her. He tells her that her plan was flawed. Dayanara tells John that she loves him.
Nicky and Alex talk as they put up Christmas decorations. They talk about Alex getting over Piper.
Sophia tells Sister Ingalls that she hopes her son will talk to her. They tell Crazy Eyes she is suited for a role in the pageant.
Larry meets with Alex. Larry says she needs to end things with Piper. Alex says that Piper was the aggressor. Alex then says that the real problem is that Piper is crazy and a mess.
Pennsatucky bursts into the shower on Piper. She threatens Piper, then holds up a toothbrush with a razor blade attached. Pennsatucky cuts her hand, then rubs the blood onto Piper. A guard bursts in and tells them to leave. Taystee tells Piper she needs to fight Pennsatucky.
Red breaks into the kitchen, she messes with some items, puts a liquid in the oven.
As Murphy opens the oven, it explodes with fire. John holds Dayanara.
Joe tells Gloria that she needs to do a better job in the kitchen.
Joe talks to John. John says that Natalie told him not to file a report. Joe insists that he files a report through him.
Boo brings Piper a Christmas gift. She opens it. It’s the screwdriver that went missing.
Nicky shows Alex a poster for Morello. It is a wedding showing her with Nicky. Nicky says that she knows what she wants for Christmas. She puts her hand down Alex’s pants.
Red stands in line in the kitchen. They don’t give her any food.
Piper tells Larry that they have a form all filled out. She says that someone is trying to kill her. Larry says that he met Alex. Larry says he shouldn’t be with someone out of fear. He says goodbye to Piper.
Piper goes to see Alex. Alex tells her to go away.
The Christmas pageant is held. The guards and inmates get together. Natalie talks to Sam about speaking with Larry. Joe gives Fischer some flowers to get well from her injuries.
Fishcher introduces her boyfriend.
The inmates sing “Joy to the World” then “Amazing Grace.” Morello, as Mary, says the baby is about to be born. Crazy Eyes freezes. The mute inmate starts to sing.
Piper storms outside into the yard.
Pennsatucky, as the angel, leaves to follow her. Sam steps outside, but ignores Pennsatucky trying to kill Piper, and he walks back inside. Piper takes out her screwdriver. Piper gets cut and drops the screwdriver. Pennsatucky lunges at Piper. Piper kicks her, then elbows her in the back of her head. Piper mounts Pennsatucky and rains down fists upon her as “O Come Let Us Adore Him” plays and everything fades to orange.